In my own defense, I didn’t pay to see this movie. If I paid for this movie it would have been like tipping the exucutioner on the way to the gallows. Don’t make the noose too loose sir! This movie was an affront to everything good I know both as a fan of movies and as an actual, living human being. I’m not exactly sure why films like this insist on aiming for the middle but they do and people pay for this and they were all paying to be insulted. That’s what this movie did to me. It insulted me. If you’ve seen the trailers for the film then you know exactly what happens. Sandra Bullock is a BITCH (responsible career woman) who gets her cold heart melted by the office worker (Ryan Reynolds) who is KIND OF DOOFY (a boy). They SPOILER ALERT fall in love by the end, even though there is no fucking reason for these people to do that. They hate each other, quite obviously. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, say what you will about them but they are charismatic. That being said they have chemistry with everyone else in the movie except each other. But oh that’s not the only leap this movie will have you make. Can you believe that there is a Latino man in a podunk Alaskian town? Of course there is because he’s WACKY and FOREIGN and OH GOODNESS AN EXOTIC DANCER. He’s played by Oscar from The Office. Yeah, have you ever wanted to see his pubes? Because you do. And poor Betty White. She needs to live just long enough to at least star in a revival of On Golden Pond because if she goes out on this movie, what a blemish on a stellar career. (She also does a mildly offensive homage to the Native Americans, but it’s fine because she’s OLD and isn’t that CUTE? UGHHHH there was nothing good about this movie. In the end this strong career woman shows that her heart can be thawed with the all ending power of looooooove. So much so that Reynold’s character tells her to shut up and she subjugates and does. That’s not her character. She is strong and then became weak. And this is a lovely message. I can take shit like this in a movie from the 1930s. Even remakes of movies from the 1930s. Let’s be real here. One swallow doesn’t make a summer and it takes more than a weekend in Alaska and taking her hair down from a ponytail to change the entire course of her life.

In my own defense, I didn’t pay to see this movie. If I paid for this movie it would have been like tipping the exucutioner on the way to the gallows. Don’t make the noose too loose sir!

This movie was an affront to everything good I know both as a fan of movies and as an actual, living human being. I’m not exactly sure why films like this insist on aiming for the middle but they do and people pay for this and they were all paying to be insulted. That’s what this movie did to me. It insulted me.

If you’ve seen the trailers for the film then you know exactly what happens. Sandra Bullock is a BITCH (responsible career woman) who gets her cold heart melted by the office worker (Ryan Reynolds) who is KIND OF DOOFY (a boy). They SPOILER ALERT fall in love by the end, even though there is no fucking reason for these people to do that. They hate each other, quite obviously. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, say what you will about them but they are charismatic. That being said they have chemistry with everyone else in the movie except each other. But oh that’s not the only leap this movie will have you make.

Can you believe that there is a Latino man in a podunk Alaskian town? Of course there is because he’s WACKY and FOREIGN and OH GOODNESS AN EXOTIC DANCER. He’s played by Oscar from The Office. Yeah, have you ever wanted to see his pubes? Because you do.

And poor Betty White. She needs to live just long enough to at least star in a revival of On Golden Pond because if she goes out on this movie, what a blemish on a stellar career. (She also does a mildly offensive homage to the Native Americans, but it’s fine because she’s OLD and isn’t that CUTE?

UGHHHH there was nothing good about this movie. In the end this strong career woman shows that her heart can be thawed with the all ending power of looooooove. So much so that Reynold’s character tells her to shut up and she subjugates and does. That’s not her character. She is strong and then became weak. And this is a lovely message.

I can take shit like this in a movie from the 1930s. Even remakes of movies from the 1930s. Let’s be real here. One swallow doesn’t make a summer and it takes more than a weekend in Alaska and taking her hair down from a ponytail to change the entire course of her life.